Click and listen to Paul's Agua Noir
album audio version of one of the stories in the
She were damned-fond
of that thar tea-pot, she were.
Said she found it on her junkin' trabbles one
It were the sun that was a-shinin' on it one
When she spied that 'scription on the spoot.
“Water Me,” she told the peoples that it said.
And sho n' true … that's all it said.
And every day, she
Lifted up that ol' toop, and splashed some water
Fult o' sand, it were.
That’s it. Sand. Nothin' mo'.
And though she kept a-waterin' it everyday,
“why?” was the question.
That was alwayne on 'er mind, you know,
Cause nuthin' never started a-growin'.
But she did what that ol' spoot spelt out, and
And that tharn Buck
o' hers commenced on mo' than once occasion
To shimmyin' it off that little table she had it
He said it smelled like a scootchin' pad...
Metally and all that, you know.
She caught 'em each timefinnersthe slipperies
And 'scued it from his mits, sheen did.
Well, it come and
goed about six months tammy,
And suntly, all 'er hair startedon the flo'.
And, after a while, she done lost the use of her
And then her legs,
And then, sho' nuff, she were gone.
And still nothin'
come sprouted from that ol' pot she were so
fondly of, neider.
And that ol' Buck of
After they did the diggin' and a-buryin',
Grabbled that old pot one night betwixt the
A-fixin' to finally chuck it in the bin out the
door, you know.
But he dropped it, heen did, and out come a-rollin'
these little bitty balls of light,
All formed up in a 'culiar shape there on the
floor, they were.
So he runs from his house, ol' Buck do,
A fetchin' on the neighbor man,
Spittin' his story like a moogiddy goo la la,
And no's a-body understandin' a word nor here
But him tellin' the schnook about the globes a-glowin'
on the floor.
And as they stood
there, back at the house, and a-watched,
Out the winda and straight up into the sky
flewed them globes,
Neighbor man and Buck nearly needin' a washin-tub,
All goombly and gumbly, within' the fuzz on they
arms doin' the hoo-hoo and the tingle-loo.
And them two ain't been seen back in the house
since, goes the stowry.
And uppin thar, in
the night sky, iffin you look a-sharper,
She sets there, on her chair, lookin' down,
nowadays … yemp!
I see 'er when she comes out each night, just to
the right of the Dipper, she sets.
I'm fond o' callin' 'er Cassie, yessir! Always
there, she bein'.
And I stares and stares and stares.
Ya seein'. It was
me that beled 'er to that old tea-pot, and doed
the scrapin' on the spoot, knowin' what was to
And she-in all mine,
nowadays, you know.
I was never fondly of the sharin' thing. Better
to not bein' than to bein' sharnt, ain't it?
Now, it's the whisperin' I do everytime that
we's alone each night.
I say it soft as the
breeze a-rustlin': “Water Me” … .
Sho n' true!
"I feel it is incumbent on
me to tell you that a woman died on that
property. She was murdered in the house,
and was scattered ... her remains ... across the
street. It's still an open case ... it's
five years old and they haven't got a clue as to
who did the murder."
... Cross Keys Road
"And I wondered how she lost that freakin'
leg. It was no accident, I can assure you.
That leg was whacked off on purpose. Why
was the question. Her sisters, both of
them, had that leg. But she didn't.
And that turned her from exquisite to
extraordinary. And I wanted her!"
... Her Missing Leg
"The water covered his
head, and he could no longer hold his breath.
The nips of teeth were coming fast and furious
now. In the last instant of consciousness,
he looked down, and saw the gold coin drift to
the sea bed ... ."
... The Lure
"Re-dressing himself, there,
in the middle of the aisle, he arrived at the
conclusion that he didn't want to be any part of
this train. Too many weirdos, too many
sickos. Too many psycho-pathetic nimrods
on this train. He gathered his things, and
got off the train at the next station."
... Night Train
"I'm going to kill you!," he whispered.
Then, the laughter ... the whispered gravelly
laughter. I tried to open my mouth to ask
what the hell was going on, but I couldn't
speak. I was too scared."
...The Telltale Bed
"... when he all at once had
to interrupt the call with Casey, because Dolly
was standing on his porch, stark naked.
She was banging on the door, and when he opened
it, there she was. Naked. She
pointed her finger at him and smiled. made the
sign of the cross, and said, 'I used to live
here with my Daddy, but Daddy said, 'Not
"... He picked the cleaver
out of the block, turned around, and plunged it
into her chest, opening a gaping hole, mid
Standing there in utter
amazement, I could do nothing .... but salute
it! I named it “Sir William.”
Because of obvious olfactory
concerns, I flushed, still saluting Sir William.
It moved, side to side ... paused ... and
slipped forever into oblivion. And reminded me
of the words of a great general: “All Glory is
I will not soon forget Sir William's Monday!
... Sir William's Monday